Girl, Stop Apologizing

I am obsessed with Rachel Hollis’ new book, it seriously feeds my soul. So many times I find myself apologizing to others for what I want, and what makes me happy. I do this, not only as a mother, but as an entrepreneur, a manager, a co-worker, a girlfriend, and friend. I always have tried to put other people’s needs over my own and find myself feeling bad when I go after something I want when others feel it isn’t the appropriate thing to do.  

I find myself constantly apologizing for trying to be a successful women, because I am a mother and my children should come first. And trust me, AJ does and always will, but sometimes doing things for myself is exactly how I can be the best mother, person, and friend that my son and my loved ones deserve. And that I will not apologize for, not one bit.

So, here is my list of things I am sorry, not sorry about: 

1. I will never apologize for wanting a career. 

There, I said it. But, honestly it isn’t like it is a big surprise, I have always wanted to be a career woman. It could be because I was raised by a man, but I was always taught that you have to go out and get what you want to be successful. 

Yes, I love being a mother, but I have always had bigger dreams than just being a mom. I mean, why else would I go out and get my Master’s Degree if I never actually wanted to use it? I love my field, I love helping businesses grow through my techniques and designs. Being a part of something bigger than myself and my own company is amazing. I truly love what I do. 

So, no, I’m not sorry for wanting to be the breadwinner of my family. It’s how I was raised and I won’t apologize ever for making sure I will always be able to provide for my family if, god forbid, anything happened to Antonio. Yes, so many people don’t understand that because we have been military affiliated and surrounded by so many people who prefer to be at home, and that’s amazing for them. I just personally can’t see myself being that person, and it is something I never wanted to do. I have always wanted to make my mark on the world.  

2. I will not devalue my business. 

Many people might not get this one, but my photography business is my baby. I have had it since 2010, which is a long time for a photographer. So, yes it is offensive when I get asked by “old” friends, or those who just know me, for free and discounted sessions because we went to high school together.  

I am not sorry if you get mad because you think my prices are “ridiculous, outrageous, over priced, etc” or if you say they are more than your rent. Yes, I’ve been told this even when my prices were super low, and unsustainable, price at a measly $250. I value my time, my business, and the time away from my child to make sure I charge a rate that makes it worthwhile for me to leave home to capture your memories. And sure, I do a lot of charity work for my business as I know that some people cannot fease my prices, but deserve to have my work on their walls. But that is not everyone and I am very particular with whom I gift my time to, especially when I have been called every name in the book for wanting a successful business.

3. I’ve grown up and out of people. 

I feel like this happens the most as we get older and it’s something we should never have to apologize for. We outgrow people, relationships, and things. It’s life. Some of my old acquaintances were toxic, and while I hope they find happiness in life, they did not bring happiness to mine, so I stopped the relationship. 

I get asked all the time why I don’t talk to someone, why I am so different now, why am I such a bitch and think I am better than everyone. The truth is, I really don’t think I am better than anyone, I’m human, I make mistakes just like everyone else. I do, however, hold myself and my decisions to a higher standard for myself and my future than some people might, which is probably what makes it come off that way. I won’t do things anymore that can negatively effect myself, my family, or our names. If that makes me a bitch, I’m not sorry, as blunt as that is.  

Some people have grown with me, we have the same values in life and though our changes we have still vibed well through the years. I take the vibes I get from people serious in my life, as you are what you give off. I have a hard time surrounding myself with people always complaining with how awful their life is, yet make no effort to change it, or who are just backwards in their morals. It’s toxic to my life and my happiness and I refuse to apologize for putting my own mental health first over just caving in my past and letting people take advantage of me.

Which brings me full circle. 

I am strong. I am independent. I am fierce. 

I will not apologize for growing up, and I will continue to grow and change until the day I die. I am always learning, I am ever changing, but I will never back down on my dreams, my hopes, and my future. My family depends on it, my sanity depends on it, and my soul depends on it.  

I hope each day we find our true selves a little bit more and each day we find something new to work towards and continue to grow. And while we do, don’t apologize for valuing yourself. We only have one life, cherish and live it to the fullest.